Yes Day

Pizza for breakfast. Stay up late. Fill the grocery cart with all the sugary cereals you want. It's Yes Day. The sky is the limit.  The book written by Amy Krouse Rosenthal, is a favorite of kids. Everything desired is granted. The best kind of day is Yes day.

This year, we made my daughter's birthday Yes Day.  We made tents. We had cheeseballs for breakfast and a chocolate milk stand complete with whipped cream. We transformed the deck into a playroom. Her favorite fall asleep outside accessories were ready.  Requests were granted. It's was her day of celebration.

We did have a real birthday party two days before. Officially her birthday was on the day we designated as YES day. Two days before we invited 9 friends to join us for a sack race, parachute time, bubbles, and a musical parade which included handmade tambourines, birthday blowers, and hats. We ate chocolate frosting on yellow cake and cheese pizza.
    "My girls' first party." one mom said.
   "Yes, and pretty hometown and simple." I replied.
   "That is as it should be" she answered.
Yeah! to that mom. For she knew that the best  "yes" and the "Wows" of birthdays are simple and inexpensive.

I have been pondering some of the times I have said Yes to my children.  I say Yes at times when they are holding a trinket from China in the dollar store.  Yes, you can have chocolate milk before dinner. Yes, you can watch that DVD. Yes, you can have two juice boxes. Yes, you can jump on the  bed..Yes, I will say no when needed. Yes, at times I need to practice "No" more often.

There is something called a Yes Bank. The parent keeps track of the number of times "Yes", is said so that when the child gets a "No" it is more easily accepted.  Perhaps it's a way of reminding your child to count their blessings. I've tried this on my children. One day, my son threw a fit because he did not have a rubber ducky for his bath. I lined up 15 different toys in his possession. I asked him to pick one that he could enjoy right there and then. It worked miraculously. It was his turn to count his blessings and wait to see if  his desire continued to exist or was it just an " in the moment I want." We want and then we want something else.

Yes Day is most appreciated because the kid in the story knows, that this is a special day. In fact, all other days on his calendar are understood as Not in a million years,  and Over my dead body, He understands "No Language " perfectly! So when that special miracle of miracles of a Yes Day comes, he is making careful choices of what to do to celebrate.

The trouble in our  real world is that Yes Day is overblown. Yes Day is everyday. Yes Days are the norm.  Yes always and No almost never leads to"must be bigger, better, and more days.: Yes Days are leading up to "I deserve the best always and only the best." Yes Day everyday is building up to possible financial debt and a serious epidemic entitlement.

It starts at a young age. Kids gets a yes or the threat of a tantrum. The parent is their best friend and giving in to everything.  The parent works to please the child instead of the other way around. It's everywhere. It's the "I'm first, that's mine, I deserve it, I have arrived, It's all about me"  molding of entitlement. It is at school, at play, at church, -it's everywhere.

Adults face the same "It's all about Me" - "I deserve it" mentality as well. A well known adult Financial Guru tells others to save the YESes for later. Often he advises to save them for years later until you can truly appreciate and control your Yeses Saving up nurtures that appreciation.  Ironically, his advice has led him to great financial success which mean wait, work, and being intentional. Sometimes that means a NO. Mr. Ramsey shows no signs of entitlement. Ever hear how he answers every "How are you?"
"Better than I deserve." is the answer.

I do not wish to crush the self esteem of my children with No's. I wish to build their self assurance. I do not wish to spoil them with too many Yeses so that they are more Brats then Babes. I wish to teach them appreciation and gratitude. I do not wish to build this "I deserve it all" attitude. I must build an attitude of giving because they have been so blessed.

"Does this day have to end? " the boy asks his father. This is the one Yes that may be hard to accept. Yet, even back to the "Not in a million year"s days, the boy remembers with appreciation and looks forward to the next Yes Day. It doesn't mean there will never be any more Yeses ever. There will be some but  balanced with some "No, not this time" or even some "No not evers." Whether the right intentional Yes, or the waiting and rejecting No, we avoid the entitlement epidemic and take the path of  betterment of a person that we  deserve.

Learning to speak

  I can't remember the first words my daughter uttered. I do remember the clearly enunciated speech with gestures and all. She spoke in tongues and we needed an interpreter. There were no first words but just a wonderfully crafted jargon with inflection. It was painfully hard to write down only about 20 clear words in her vocabulary as she was quickly nearing three. She was no walking dictionary.

 As she is mastering language, I realize I too have for my work cut for me. I have yet to master any language . Despite good genes- (some of my family members spoke up to 6 languages fluently) I am still working to speak well and with ease. Sort of sobering when I the parent, am to be a model of well articulated language that will rub off and advance my daughter's delayed speech. Today, the challenge is to maintain mastery of our native tongue. Though,  proper language mastery matters little or has been the outdated way to talk. Just read Facebook or Twitter. Any form of media will give you an idea of the new way to talk.

If you are an "in" talker you must use words certain words in new ways. It is easy to catch on and rub off. I am guilty of speaking like an "in" talker.  It is almost like being in the South for awhile when you are original Northerner. It may be like trying out the slang in New York City but originally from Colorado Springs. After awhile, you take on the talk. Listen to any "In" talker and you are tempted to talk the same way or be totally irritated by the fast paced haphazard poetic licensing of words. Words used in unusual ways. Words spoken in places that surprise and puzzle me.

 Recently I was just at the beauty salon. Way back when you might hear the lady next to you getting her hair done say "A shampoo and set will be sufficient." Sounds like the Queen of England no?  I hear the lady next to me say the word "like" 19 times. "I am like so tired of my hair, it like gets too frizzy and I am like not ready to like spend a whole lot of time on it so I like need a really easy like style. The one "like" necessary is in the last sentence. "Like" has sure gained popularity- maybe even more than awesome.

People at the beauty salon tell their life story.  I imagine conversations taking place at a salon in NYC might sound like this-"So I says to Flo , I says Flo... you gotta add some body to your hair, it will look glamorous. "The hairdresser responds- "You are so right, I was just thinkin that the other day. Sounds like the Queen England with a twist." They mind their grammar but there is style . This is what I said to my hair lady: "I have to wet my hair in the morning even if I have already washed it. the night before. Otherwise, it will be very frizzy. 
"I know right." she responds. 
This confuses me. I know right? After thinking it over, this means, I agree. I suppose.

There is the frequent overblown use of the word "Seriously".  The customer says "I would like to take five inches off. "  The stylist says "Seriously? I seriously think that would seriously be a mistake. " I wonder if the sentence " We are getting very seriously thinking of dying my hair blond is still accepted? (Seriously, I remain a brunette forever. Until I seriously let the gray take over.

Some sit down and tell their stylist: "I so need a color.  It's so past the time. "  Or how about.." I so need that new curl gel." No longer is it "I told you so" or "I'm  so very glad to meet you or even "I am so tired." It's the word used for entitlement and emphasis.

  The word "perfect" has given the word "awesome" competition. "Perfect I have you down for three o'clock on Wednesday. "   No longer is it "This fits perfectly." But it's more the verbal response you get from offering your credit card- "Perfect". Perhaps just a way of showing an upbeat positive attitude about everything from finding your other earring to winning the lottery?

All in all I figure I am feeling a little like Henry Higgins. "Why can't we learn to speak? Set a good example. " Is that we all need to marbles in our mouths, practice blowing out candles, and say tongue twisters over and over again to bring us back to the basics? It's what turned Eliza Doolittle into a real lady that even fooled the Queen. Do we need a dictionary from Noah Webster himself to review all the parts of speech and articles? Do we adapt, change, and go with it and just say "whatever!" In the meantime,  my daughter gets the remediation and the therapy. We are ALL learning to speak.

Late in Blooming : Leo and the Moonflower

Leo the Late Bloomer is a sweet story. It's in the classics collection for good reasons. Parents and teachers alike who might be caught in the comparison act, need a little Leo to remember that you  can't place expectations on the child but rather expect the child to develop at their own unique pace. This is part of my lecture as a Young Fives teacher and was a part of my lecture at conference time during my K-1 teaching years.  Leo has soon made its way into the "sentimental tug at your heart strings" list with me. Partly because Leo blooms above and beyond what his parents could have ever imagined. The "I did it" I told you so ending is a good parent reminder to stop the push and just be.

It's hard for Leo's parents to just let things be. What sort of encouraging signs did they have along the journey? Page after page, there are mishaps, little wanderings, and even some stubbornness. "Good things come to those who wait." seems to be written all over Leo's face. It's the parents who have their moans and groans and frowns.

At least Leo tries. At least he seems happy go lucky, which helped maintain a good self esteem. At least he had his own way of managing. All of this led to his blooming.

Riding on only two wheels, sustained play with her brother for over and hour, saying hello to a male neighbor, -even going out of her way to do so- all huge victories. Those are the ones longed for but unsure if they were possible.  When success is reached, it's the trumpet announcement, balloons releasing in the sky, applause and the big Hallelujah opening up from the sunbeam sky victory. Delay after Delay. Setback after set back- finally victory. Some are made ahead of the game. Some took therapy, practice, waiting, praying, and crying over and then ... finally,when we stopped looking for a major on stage performance, - ta da! It happens the ultimate victory moment.

I still wait for big victories. The day, she meets a real friend who appreciates her, giggles with her, pretends with her, and can't wait to play with her.  I wait for the day she reads the words on the printed storybook page fluently and with expression instead of imitating the fairy tale narrator with mixed up senseless jargon.  I wait for the day when she eats Armenian food- preferably my favorite Mahnti. Could be a total long shot considering it takes a certain taste bud to actually LIKE it. Okay,  I wait for the day that she eats what everyone else is eating. I wait for the day when she carries on a conversation just like a good tennis volley.

These days of waiting for the victories are long, hard, and sometimes unbearable. There are days of setbacks that suck the energy out and I am slapped with the reminder of the rocky road journey of life with autism. There are days when she is overwhelmed, screaming, and moaning. There are days when she digs her heels into the ground and scratches me just like a cat with claws because she won't budge. There are days when "friends" reject her because they found someone more appealing for play  and she was just the stand by. There are days when there are stares and whispers from the cold cruel world. How to believe that the blooming will come and she will be victorious?

Being fairly new to the gardening scene, the moonflower is a fascination.  It's just like the Morning Glory only white and night are its glory time.  Most think they are weedy, invasive things that smell like peanut butter.  Most amazingly, you can literally watch it bloom right before your eyes. It is a sight worth seeing if you are into wonders of the world.  It is a late in time bloomer all around. It doesn't bloom until late July or August. The time of day is late- like dusk or after. Late but worth the wait. It glows in the night just like the moon. Blooming before your very eyes. You will blink and blink and wonder.

I wish the blooming could be as easily noticed as watching the Moonflower. Perhaps it is. Each day I am challenged to note small victories in the blooming process. As they say "Count your blessings. "  It is necessary to count the small victories. If my daughter tries one carrot in a day- Hurrah! If she remembers to go back and forth with her toothbrush instead of chewing on it- Hurrah! If she comes out of her room and says "Good Morning" instead of moaning on her bed, Hurrah! Small victories count for something. They count towards the big time blooming. They remind you that the blooming is possible and probable and on its way.

Leo and the Moonflower. Both late in the way of blooming. Yet the blooming is better and not never. For me, it is the small victories that tell me so.

Play Kit

If it was my friend Suzie it was little slips of paper, pens, stamps, and a giant ottoman for playing library. We would tip toe around the living room, find hard cover books that were really important looking, and make fancy scribbles on the slips. We ordered the books in a ruler straight spine way and grouped them by the pretty or ugly pictures or by word count.

If it was my friend Heidi, it was a red wagon, beach pails covered with cloth, chapter books tied in bundles, baskets, and bonnets. We were the Ingalls girls out in Minnesota or somewhere on the prairie. We rode to town as Heidi played a double role as horse and Pa as she pulled me on the wagon around the house. It was a bumpy ride as I am sure it was in real life.

 Way back before there was dirt, I am sure my grandparents, and their parents, would say all they needed was a rock or stick for play. I believe it. I too, decades later, played in the dirt with rocks, and sticks, with my friend Kelle. We played school in the dirt. We made a giant divided square for a desk with work. We spelled words in the dirt with our stick writing utensil.

 Memories of my play are simple, sweet, and now historical. Today, the toy store is full of mind boggling wonders.  The telephone on wheels with the rolling eyes, the Slinky that walked downstairs, and the Jack in the Box are either antique or hard to find. They are now replaced by a cell phone with lights and bleeps, a remote Control Robot, and an  X Box. And I may be way off and even old fashioned in my accuracy. Santa has to really keep up with the times these days. Sad to say that play now has to be more exciting, more costly, and more larger than life.

 I thought our imagination and a few odds and ends was enough. I know from my own play experiences that I call "fabulous" that what I needed to play does not have to be the above mentioned. I also know that in today's world, simplicity can still open my kids world up to larger than life play.

Ever since reading Out of Sync Child has Fun, and another book on play for autistic children, the play world at my house became not just cars and trucks, and dolls and princess dresses. I've discovered a whole new world of sensory pleasure and a broaden your horizons opportunity. (and I mean for every child not just my special needs one) Consider the entertaining and engaging play for kids using simple little play kits:

Ice Skating in the summer- old shower curtain, shaving cream, and bare feet. Aside from the hazard of falling on the driveway and cracking your head open... it was a total blast for my daughter. Or just do it on the grass- a shaving cream slip and slide eh?

Marshmallow Popper: Balloon, foam cup, mini marshmallow- assemble and watch the marshmallow fly. ( I used this for a Pop Goes the Weasel performance and it worked wonders) Just don't do it in the woods- I wouldn't want Chippy Chipmunk to choke.

Baking Soda, food coloring, white vinegar, and a tray. Mix liquids squirt on the baking soda. Colorful designs and fizzes all around. ( A mess but worth it- I could cook a whole dinner while kids were occupied with this) As an added bonus -you are teaching high school chemistry at an early age.

Scavenger Hunt- photographs of things around the house, treasure hidden in the house. Kids look at picture go there first and find the next photo. This tells you where to go next and so on until the treasure is found. ( Had this ready for my babysitter and she said our kids did it three times and didn't care much about the treasure)

Foam shapes, water, bath tub- just get the foam shapes wet and it sticks to the bathtub. We have murals there all the time. Picasso, Rembrandt, look out!

Bucket of Water and soap- colored with food coloring and an old paintbrush- paint the house ( wash off the old spider webs too)

Marble Run- Take a noodle and cut in half the long way. Set it up on an incline such as a stairway- and voila! It's a winner!

Bubbles in the swimming pool and food coloring- makes swimming glorious! ( in the kiddy pool that is)

Paint toast - clean brush, food coloring and water- they eat colored toast.

 I have tried every idea on this list with my own children and others have come by - ( we seem to be the magnet house) and at first because it is NOT the latest and greatest .. the kids are skeptical and hesitant. They have even gone so far as to say- "What's the fun in this? or "I will just watch."  But then... surprisingly- they all learn the fun in the simplicity of a few things.

We do have a remote control robot. We do have a pretend cell phone.  We even have a little computer ...for BOTH children.! Yet, play is still simple, fun, and larger than life with more of the play kits I find just around the house already. Happy Play Everyone!