Cause and Cure of the Socially Snobby Syndrome - make right with play

My friends Heidi and Suzie had things that I didn't. Suzie had an easy bake oven that baked real cakes you could eat. One time when I was over, she gave showed me the new gift. I was so jealous. "So, what do you want to make oatmeal cake or brownies" she said holding out two mixes.We picked brownies. She read the instructions carefully. Suzie was very meticulous and organized. This was a new endeavor for me to bake on my own. But I knew with Suzie's help, it would turn out just right. We mixed it up and put it in the oven. There was a light that lit up the pan and we watched it bake. It didn't take long before we were eating real chocolate brownies. I felt so grown up.

Heidi, another good playmate, was interested in animals quite a bit. Either that or Little House on the Prairie. I had fun with both. One day we played Little House. Heidi was the horse pulling a red wagon. I was Pa heading to town. She pulled me around the house bumps and all several times and even made the perfect horse sounds. I felt like I was really out on the prairie.

Heidi and Suzie had things that I wanted but never got. Yet, I still have fond memories of playing with their toys. They shared. They instructed at times but didn't boss me around. They didn't have a lot of toys that prevented us from developing a play scheme. They invited me to play and had ideas.
I could either refuse or join in. I was almost always joining in. Heidi and Suzie were rarely Socially Snobby.  So was that just the "good old days" when play was at its perfection?
The socially snobby in the young play circles are those that have too many toys, are overwhelmed, and bored all too quickly. Their play schemes are limited.  They are focused on being first with little turn taking which prevents sharing. They may also have little social graces including a pleasant invitation to play, eye contact, and two way conversation.

When I wrote about both my daughter's play experiences and my own with the socially snobby, I neglected to mention that by no means was I nor is my daughter play perfect.  I had to be coached and continue to be through some trained teachers in the area of autism and through some helpful "bibles" such as Out of Sync Child and Julia Moore's book on play. With my daughter, she could fit the syndrome to a T as would any autistic child.  But the nonaustistic child is showing these characteristics as well and therefore is becoming more the social snob. My point in warning about the socially snobby is that it seems they will take over play unless we as educators, parents,  observers recognize the cause and cure of the syndrome. In addition, we need to be coaches along this early childhood way and world of play. That has been my motive in play with both of my children and the children I teach. In the name of good citizenship and healthy social skills not to mention many other play teaching skills for overall healthy development, I have sorted through this issue and continue to learn how to cure this epidemic.

 Too many toys are one cause for SSS. They overwhelm the child causing them to flit from one to the next without giving a good focus to one. The more they have the more they want something better. They have little play schemes to use for their toys. Parents are constantly buying new things for their kids making for a fantastic garage sale later. It is somehow been the mindset that many toys are needed for play and can take the place of time that parents play with their child. This too has led to the socially snobby child.

"My mom went on a trip to Las Vegas for two weeks and brought me this keychain that lights up, a Polly Pocket and pool, and a pair of sequence sunglasses" . This was in a nutshell what was shared during show and tell time in my class. Christmas time, birthdays, or just to get the kids to stop whining, are all reasons parents justify giving their parents one more cool toy.

 Julia Moore's book on play provides helpful solutions. Hide some toys. Put them away for a later time. Have fewer available so that opportunity for numerous play schemes can develop. If a new toy is acquired, another toy should be worn out and given away. Limit the number of toys so that they are appreciated by the development of various play schemes.  Trying out Moore's strategy has worked like magic for my children. After hiding a toolbox, for several months, my son has enjoyed fixing things with his dad, is learning names of tools, and is wanting to know what jobs he can do with his tools. Maybe one day he can pretend to build a house with them.

Play schemes can be limited when given too many toys. In the case of Florence who has everything from 50 dolls, 100 dress up outfits, thousands of storybooks,  kitchen sets, dollhouses, - you name it she has it.
Are they played with over the course of the week? I suspect not. Why? Because the thrill has worn off after one or two times. Her desire is to for something else not to develop a new fun play scheme with what she already has.
Awhile ago, I bought my daughter a dollhouse. It was a simple one but cute. It has a few pieces of furniture of family of dolls, an outside, and five rooms. Within this ONE dollhouse, there are endless play schemes. So far with one dollhouse, she has had the girls go to sleep, eat their breakfast, jump in the pool outside, clean up the house, and play hide and seek. The learning and the playing with the dollhouse alone can be used for years to come. As I observe my daughter play with her dollhouse and develop new play schemes, there is evidence of appreciation.

At this young age, being egocentric is of of a child's nature. 'Me first, It's my turn, I want that, forgetting to say please and thank you, all of these things are common. But when the child is allowed and taught to act so, it becomes validated. It spills into play. Play involves turn taking and cooperation. If a child is focused on when it is THEIR turn - they may find themselves alone at play. This is an evaluated benchmark on the early childhood report card. Does the child take turns? Does the child have patience to see what will happen when another contributes to the play scheme? Is a change going to upset them or can they cope with a change brought on upon the other?

Julia Moore suggests for the autistic child several activities that would create an awareness and an appreciation for others. These solutions help nurture the turn taking skills. She suggests that while the child is taking a turn, have them wear something or  hold something. In my daughter's class the name is announced- "It's Joe's turn" then a comment about the turn- "Good job Joe". Turn taking is essential in play for positive social interaction. I believe coaching in this area is always needed for any child.

There are many social graces that are involved in play. One invites a child to play with eye contact.: "Heidi, do you want to play horses with me?" The other receiver responds "Yes, I would like to play, that would be fun Heidi." During the play session there is conversation, "Let's make our horses race in the field" .... "Mine is tired and needs a drink" "What kind of horse do you like Heidi?"   ....."Well, I like Morgans they are so pretty." etc

My daughter is learning to do all of this. She is getting better and better. She is still learning as at times the initial invitation to play is weak. But some graces are strong and continue to be strong. I have concern when she greets a friend and invites them to play and the playmate gives a "deer in the lights" look. Parents need to rehearse this language and social cues with their children to instill confidence during the interaction. Role playing or using a couple of puppets to act it out. Children need to be instilled with the language of play which is not just a random conversation. There are meaningful words and non verbals which are helpful.

What is disturbing to me is when my daughter sees a friend makes eye contact and says "Hi". She may even invite them to join her in a certain activity. The response is often a cold stare and then a running away.
What should happen if kids are coached, is eye contact and a response- "No thanks not today see you later bye" with a wave. Or if the answer is "Okay sure." then the conversation involves turn taking, sharing of ideas, and problem solving. The non verbals involve eye contact, gestures, and proximity.

I do observe perfect play happening which is encouraging that the Social Snob Syndrome can be cured. Parents and teachers alike have a role in play. I have a lot of work to do and continue to enjoy the learning. Thanks for reading. To God, be the Glory.

Play- So much to learn and enjoy!  Play - trying to avoid the Socially Snobby Syndrome

I am frequently learning and observing a lot about play. Especially since my daughter- C has been receiving training in this area. I have appreciated so much the book Laugh, - play ideas for Children on the Autistic Spectrum by Julia Moore. I have also appreciated The Out of Sync Child has Fun.
They have been gold mines for fun and meaningful ideas for C and other children in my life. I will focus on this in another writing.

It has been eye opening reading these books to see how much is involved in play. It has also been eye opening to see how much the delayed child, particularily, my C, is not much different than the "normal" child in being needy for teaching to play well. In addition, with continued play and coaching, I see C exceeding the normal child in some ways. I see her attempting and mastering good play skills while other normal children show that they are more Socially Snobby than good playmates.

C has learned a systematic approach to play. It begins with an invitation- "Hey Susie" would you like to play with me please? or "Would you like to wear this pink dress for the tea party or  even a simple "Hi," ?' This is to be followed by a response. "I would like to thank you, or  I want to play school or "hi" back. C is excited to hear something that means yes and usually says "Come on, let's go. The next step is the developement of the play scheme.What is happening within the play idea? What is the sequence?There are decisions to be made and problems to be solved. There is turn taking and two way conversation. All of these things are life skills integrated into play. This is the way Clara has learned to play which is something that did not come natural to her.

Other children who supposedly learned to play naturally were trainded differently and essentially became socially snobby. I realized this when I was very young. Occassionally, I played with a girl who lived a few houses down from me. I put an emphasis on the word occassional. Basically,the girl, I will call her Beatrice, had a bad case of  SSS. Her golden house on the corner was emaculate. Even more so than mine and my mom kept a clean house. Beatrice's house didn't even look lived in. Neither did her room.   When we played upstairs in her room, I had to practically sanitize myself before entering. She had very crisp and lovely bedclothes. Her carpet was so neat and plush. The toys were all expensive. There were certain dolls that came from a ladeedah department store  and a tea set that was suitable enough to fool the queen.
"Wash your hands before you touch my dolls and my doll is this one" she 'd say pointing to the larger of the five.
"You can have this one." Basically the doll she chose for me was a ragdoll she didn't care about much. In short, it was a scene right out of Nellie Olson's bedroom.
Though my play time at Beatrice's house had some aspects of play. It was tainted because Beatrice was socially snobby. Our play time was controlled by Beatrice and there was no give and take.  There was no turn taking to validate another's thought on what they might contribute to the play scheme. There was forever problem of only be allowed to touch certain things. Two things to be exact. And those two things were very expensive and more for the Queen of England's grandchildren than for  us lowly commoners.

Just recently, now nearly forty years later, I found the socially snobby syndrome is alive and well.  I had an experience with my daughter and another child her age. Again, I will protect both children by using different names. The child my daughter played with I shall call Florence. Florence and my daughter were playing dress up at Florence's house. Florence had a lot of  dress up clothes. My daughter was thrilled and excited to see so many opportunities for pretending. C had the original idea of being a ballerina. As the girls dug looked through the piles of sparkle dresses and shoes, Florence found an outfit that was pink and looked like a ballerina outfit.
She also found a sparkley tierra. "That's mine," she said. "Don't touch it."  My daughter continued to look through the outfits to find something she might find though she thought the ballerina outfit was cool- she was told "NO". Florence sternly told my daughter several times not to touch the tiera while she was changing into her outfit. When Florence finished changing into ballerina, my daughter carefully picked up the ti era that Florence had claimed ONLY for her and said "Here's your ti era."   "Oh," I don't want that anymore." My daughter was taken aback. I was ready to scold but held back and made mental note.

Florence has symptoms of being socially snobby as well. Overwhelmed with so many toys and play pleasures around her, she is unable to limit her choices so that she can value them and develop certain interests. She shows an unwillingness to share and enjoy the unique contribution of another in a play scheme. She cared only for her agenda and would probably be better off alone playing. Coaching is needed in sharing and turn taking.

Another irratation during my exploration of play with C, is the initial invitation made to play. I hear "Would you like to play with me Betty?" from C. The response is sometimes yes, or no or wait I will ask. But more frequently C gets the "deer in the lights look". Even when a "hi" is called out, and it is most proper to say "hi" back, there is cold stares or ignorance.
To C, who is learning and growing in the world of play, she may soon feel like "What is the point? If I am going to invite someone and get nothing what will encourage me to keep trying? Has not the normal child been taught to respond and knowledge the words or actions an invitation to play?

Enough said this posting. More on the cause and cure of the Socially Snobby Syndrome later.
Thanks for reading. God be the glory.

Heidi and Suzie were friends of mine on Glenmoor Street in the neighborhood. Play was something we did well. We lined up books and played library with slips of paper, stamps, and ink pens. We dressed in bonnets and put cloths over our beach pails and pretended to be Laura Ingalls. We made forts in the bushes and had picnics. The list of opportunities for play was endless especially in the summer time. For me those were some of the good old days. Play happened all day long until your mom called you home because it was getting dark.

Back then, I had no idea how involved educationally play was. Now I am a parent and a teacher and that lesson has become a new one for me. After my daughter was diagnosed with autism, I not only became aware that play simply does not come natural for some, but it also is a very complex activity. I find the topic of play fascinating and mind boggling. The research that supports the power of play is overwhelmingly positive. Play in a nutshell is a child's work. It is the child's working on developing social skills, creativity, imagination, problem solving, and more. What is more purposeful than that? So many life skills all wrapped up in play.

Lately, I have felt like I have had to defend playtime in my classroom. In an age where play is a soccer game, a dance recital, or a swim meet, play has been washed of is pure free form fun. In an age where play is often running around reenacting Power Rangers, Star Wars, My Pretty Ponies, or Hello Kitty , play has lost its originality. In an age where play in some classrooms has been replaced with worksheets, reading groups, extra workpapers, and busywork, play has lost its value. There is certainly a pressure for academic activities and play is not one of them. In my classroom these days, we spend at least 40 minutes of play each day. That includes outside time and inside time. Play is also incorporated in our daily lessons. After play, I see every time that the kids are more focused on teacher directed activities.

Today, I am discouraged at how little kids are playing. All that is needed is a chance and maybe little bit of coaching. Yet, even in the delayed child like my daughter, there is hope! Some children, when given the chance, value their play time and are showing confidence in many skills just by playing.
Here is an example of something that happened with some young four and five years olds at my school this past early June.
Three or four children came over and said "Come to our restaurant."
Another teacher and I walked over to a wooden gazebo where they had picked several types of grasses, weeds, dandelions, and clover. They had sorted them out and took our orders. They told us how to make a "taco" out of woodchips and plants. What creativity! What cooperation!

My daughter had seen a story on DVD called the Pigs Wedding. It is a rather silly out of print story about some pigs named Curly Tail and Porker who get married. They invite pigs and paint clothes on themselves. A rainstorm comes and washed the clothes away. After picking Clara up from school one day, Clara suggested that we wash Porker. I hadn't a clue what she meant. But she later explained that I should draw Curly Tail and Porker on the driveway with sidewalk chalk. Then she would wash them off with drippy wet sponges. That is how she pretended to be in the story. She created a  very original play scheme demonstrating problem solving, invention, and sequence.

More on play later. In the meantime, consider the value of play. It's worth more to a child's development than many think.

Thomas Whackerbee is a character I invented who is also a real TV bug. He sits like a zombie in front of the tube and even the smell of homemade cookies cannot bring him away from the television. I hope to publish or share this story to the "world" someday. But who knows.

I wrote it before having children and even before I married. As a teacher I would get so frustrated with kids who essentially buzzed and beeped television all day long- when they share something, when they wrote a story, or even drew a picture. It's 2012 and it is only getting worse. Our brains have been taken over by anything that beeps, lights up, makes music, shows a cool picture, etc.

My challenge is to NOT create TV bugs out of my children. And IF they are going to watch television I choose a DVD and there is no regular television. IF they are watching television I have appreciated in particular two programs on DVD. Max and Ruby and Little Bear.

Max and Ruby is based on the books by Rosemary Wells a British author. In fact, all of the episodes the stories in the books come to life. Max is lovable and Ruby is a girly girl. Rather bossy too I might add. But there is a great brother sister relationship established. Each program features slower and clear speech, pause, and delightful humor. Pictures are not too detailed, movement is not to fast and over stimulating, and the story is easy to follow.
My children have found various stories to be memorable and even helped them develop play schemes.

Little Bear based on the books, is also one that has been helpful to my kids. Many of the same reasons as mentioned for Max and Ruby are also true for Little Bear. Just like watching a Mr. Rogers episode, it is calming and innocent. It is also true to the stories.

IF my children are to watch television I will be choose and mindful of the time. And I will oversee the programs carefully. So far with no TV this is easily done. I hope in the near future when more gadgets are invented, I can continue this.

Thank you for reading. To God be the Glory.

Blogging

It has taken me years to understand blogging. What would be a real purpose for blogging? I find so many reasons to write but for what audience? Myself and those close to me are one to read and find meaning in the words that I write. But if I write to post or publish will it be a self act. One that is purely to get the attention of someone else ? Or is it one where I think on "paper" and then find resolve to the thoughts that race around in my head. If shared, do people gain from it? If so what do they gain?

In addition, there is much to write about. Shall I focus on the early developing child? What about today's times and the losing of the good old days? What about my own daughter and how much I am learning through the raising of an autistic child or my son who is far beyond his age in thinking. What about God and how He threads through all of this. God is our mind maker. So, what glory will He get from my thinking and revealing through writing?

Out there are many words being spoken, written, sung, painted, and printed in some unique way. And those words have meaning and are interpreted once in print. The only words that are worth reading are those of God. My prayer is that all my words point to Him.

I have followed only a couple of blogs that are in the family. I see through their blog journey how they have matured in their faith, thought and worked through their life trial, or even made a decision after seeing a thought in print. In this very blog, I am working through writing to decide to blog and post a blog.  Thanks for reading. God be the glory.