Play- So much to learn and enjoy!  Play - trying to avoid the Socially Snobby Syndrome

I am frequently learning and observing a lot about play. Especially since my daughter- C has been receiving training in this area. I have appreciated so much the book Laugh, - play ideas for Children on the Autistic Spectrum by Julia Moore. I have also appreciated The Out of Sync Child has Fun.
They have been gold mines for fun and meaningful ideas for C and other children in my life. I will focus on this in another writing.

It has been eye opening reading these books to see how much is involved in play. It has also been eye opening to see how much the delayed child, particularily, my C, is not much different than the "normal" child in being needy for teaching to play well. In addition, with continued play and coaching, I see C exceeding the normal child in some ways. I see her attempting and mastering good play skills while other normal children show that they are more Socially Snobby than good playmates.

C has learned a systematic approach to play. It begins with an invitation- "Hey Susie" would you like to play with me please? or "Would you like to wear this pink dress for the tea party or  even a simple "Hi," ?' This is to be followed by a response. "I would like to thank you, or  I want to play school or "hi" back. C is excited to hear something that means yes and usually says "Come on, let's go. The next step is the developement of the play scheme.What is happening within the play idea? What is the sequence?There are decisions to be made and problems to be solved. There is turn taking and two way conversation. All of these things are life skills integrated into play. This is the way Clara has learned to play which is something that did not come natural to her.

Other children who supposedly learned to play naturally were trainded differently and essentially became socially snobby. I realized this when I was very young. Occassionally, I played with a girl who lived a few houses down from me. I put an emphasis on the word occassional. Basically,the girl, I will call her Beatrice, had a bad case of  SSS. Her golden house on the corner was emaculate. Even more so than mine and my mom kept a clean house. Beatrice's house didn't even look lived in. Neither did her room.   When we played upstairs in her room, I had to practically sanitize myself before entering. She had very crisp and lovely bedclothes. Her carpet was so neat and plush. The toys were all expensive. There were certain dolls that came from a ladeedah department store  and a tea set that was suitable enough to fool the queen.
"Wash your hands before you touch my dolls and my doll is this one" she 'd say pointing to the larger of the five.
"You can have this one." Basically the doll she chose for me was a ragdoll she didn't care about much. In short, it was a scene right out of Nellie Olson's bedroom.
Though my play time at Beatrice's house had some aspects of play. It was tainted because Beatrice was socially snobby. Our play time was controlled by Beatrice and there was no give and take.  There was no turn taking to validate another's thought on what they might contribute to the play scheme. There was forever problem of only be allowed to touch certain things. Two things to be exact. And those two things were very expensive and more for the Queen of England's grandchildren than for  us lowly commoners.

Just recently, now nearly forty years later, I found the socially snobby syndrome is alive and well.  I had an experience with my daughter and another child her age. Again, I will protect both children by using different names. The child my daughter played with I shall call Florence. Florence and my daughter were playing dress up at Florence's house. Florence had a lot of  dress up clothes. My daughter was thrilled and excited to see so many opportunities for pretending. C had the original idea of being a ballerina. As the girls dug looked through the piles of sparkle dresses and shoes, Florence found an outfit that was pink and looked like a ballerina outfit.
She also found a sparkley tierra. "That's mine," she said. "Don't touch it."  My daughter continued to look through the outfits to find something she might find though she thought the ballerina outfit was cool- she was told "NO". Florence sternly told my daughter several times not to touch the tiera while she was changing into her outfit. When Florence finished changing into ballerina, my daughter carefully picked up the ti era that Florence had claimed ONLY for her and said "Here's your ti era."   "Oh," I don't want that anymore." My daughter was taken aback. I was ready to scold but held back and made mental note.

Florence has symptoms of being socially snobby as well. Overwhelmed with so many toys and play pleasures around her, she is unable to limit her choices so that she can value them and develop certain interests. She shows an unwillingness to share and enjoy the unique contribution of another in a play scheme. She cared only for her agenda and would probably be better off alone playing. Coaching is needed in sharing and turn taking.

Another irratation during my exploration of play with C, is the initial invitation made to play. I hear "Would you like to play with me Betty?" from C. The response is sometimes yes, or no or wait I will ask. But more frequently C gets the "deer in the lights look". Even when a "hi" is called out, and it is most proper to say "hi" back, there is cold stares or ignorance.
To C, who is learning and growing in the world of play, she may soon feel like "What is the point? If I am going to invite someone and get nothing what will encourage me to keep trying? Has not the normal child been taught to respond and knowledge the words or actions an invitation to play?

Enough said this posting. More on the cause and cure of the Socially Snobby Syndrome later.
Thanks for reading. God be the glory.